In 2006 I started performing full-time. When I got pregnant 10 years later I was determined to keep gigging.
I expected it to be challenging.
What I didn’t expect was how lonely it was going to feel.
I’d just spent a decade performing alongside my husband, building a business as freelance musicians. We had developed a large network of industry contacts and a tight core of close muso friends who earn their living performing full-time, just like us.
Everyone was super supportive of my decision to add “Mom” to my resumé.
I am grateful for their support but I discovered that there is a significant difference between support and understanding.
They all meant well, but it was really hard to hear, “yeah, no, for sure, you must be SOOO tired, but you got this! You go, girl!” when what I most wanted was someone with equally disheveled hair and the similarly drained-yet-frantic energy of the chronically overcaffeinated to put her hand on my shoulder and go, “yeah, I know. Fuck. It’s brutal.”
| The acute overwhelm, extreme exhaustion, and brain-crushing anxiety of new motherhood have ebbed in the last 8 years, but I still often feel like I’m the only one doing this. |
There are woefully few moms who gig regularly. And, hey, I get it.
The live music industry is no friend to mothers, especially new ones.
We’re still expected to show up perfectly polished, perfectly prepared, we never get a sick day, and don’t even get any real down time at work because our job is 100% guest-facing.
Gigging - especially in the early days of motherhood - means performing while you’re also navigating new energy levels, inhabiting a body that no longer feels like your own, and being dragged along a rollercoaster of new moods (anxiety with a side order of depression, anyone?).
We could really just use some damn grace.
But the audience didn’t come to give you grace. They came to hear the songs they love. So you suck it up, paint your face, fluff your hair, and sing, baby.
And Cleidys Tena Figueroa knows exactly how that feels.
She’s a gigging musician, toddler-mom, wife, and educator who works hard to be present for her son in every aspect of his life, while working two jobs and trying to keep hold of her identity as a person in the process.
Easy peasy.
In this episode of The Lady J Podcast, Clei gets very real about how hard it can be to juggle her full-time work as a secondary music teacher, her gigs, and her motherhood, with her desire to still be herself: the person who loves performing, who still wants to go out and dance salsa, and who feels things more deeply than ever.
Oh, and who would maybe like to even sleep, sometimes.
Since becoming a mother (in this era of unprecedented intentional parenting), she works hard at being a “good mom”. In order to do that she has also had to also become very intentional about her gigs, and how she co-parents with her musician husband, Alex. We talk about how that feels, but also logistics: when do they share the load and when do they need to bring in a third pair of hands.
This conversation, fuelled by caffeine and common ground, was one of the most satisfying that I’ve had since starting this podcast.
Clei is a warm, bright and caring soul and her devotion to her family and her music are beautiful to hear. It was so nice to have someone sigh and nod, and know that I’m utterly understood.
I’m so grateful.
✨
As I was editing this video my 5-year old materialized at my elbow, pointed at Clei and asked, “who’s that?”
When I said she’s a singer, he nodded, satisfied. “She looks like you.”
Not really, but also: yes.
Finally.
Somebody like me.
If you are a musician mom feeling the weight of juggling gigs, work, and motherhood, you’re not alone. Clei’s here. I’m here. This episode is for you. |
⏩ Follow Clei on Instagram: @clei_music
00:33 Introducing Cleidys Tena Figueroa
2:43 Challenges of being a mom when they’re little
8:19 Pressures of intentional parenting
10:36 When screen time is the right call
13:54 How has having a baby has affected my career?
16:09 A career opportunity arriving at the right time
17:34 Financial instability of being a freelancer
18:05 The phone rings less after Baby
19:13 Reevaluating your priorities: is this gig really worth it?
21:24 Does motherhood alter your approach to music?
27:01 Making work work: logistics
32:37 Reframing the concept of dads “helping” with the kids
36:27 Motherhood making us soft
37:53 Joys of becoming an educator
41:08 Where to find Clei in person and online
42:39 Lightning round
46:00 Live music: Valerie (Amy Winehouse)
51:45 Credits